Myles and Beckett's Secret Adventure
by Arysthae
Summary: Myles and Beckett set out one early morning to finally one-up their older brother - and quite by accident discover a plethora of new and embarrassing secrets, to Artemis's chagrin. Rated T, just in case.


**Myles and Beckett's Secret Adventure**

**AN: Just a funny thing that came into my head.**

Myles sleepily yawned as he got out of bed. He glanced at the clock—4:30am, perfect if they were ever to sneak up on Artemis. He shook awake Beckett who blinked sleepily.  
>"Wha' ya wan?" his brother managed to make out before diving back to sleep. Myles was impressed; Beckett wasn't this cohesive in the normal day.<br>"Wake up!" Myles hissed, "We're gonna finally revenge ourselves upon Artemis!" Beckett turned around and started snoring again. Myles scowled and counted to five.

"Three, Two One..." he muttered

"WE'RE GONNA GET ARTEMIS!" shrieked Beckett. Myles smirked a little; he was now glad that the walls were sound-proof. But it wasn't going to be easy to spy on Artemis anyway; the walls merely added another layer of protection.

"Ssh!" Myles hissed. "Get dressed—and don't put on the fluffy bunny slippers, they make the fifth stair creak which always wakes up Butler. We need to get to the security room undetected and pronto. Artemis wakes up in half and hour and we must be in position by then."

Beckett looked at him with a weird expression on his face. "You been readin' Mamma's spy books?"

"Yes" said Myles stiffly, pulling on his dressing gown which was black. Myles winced just a little at Beckett's luminous green one with yellow ducks printed on them.

"Beckett, get rid of the dressing gown, you'll give us away!" Beckett pouted but removed the offensive item of clothing.

Finally prepared, the two toddlers quietly made their way along the third floor balcony. The security room was in the cellar, down a long flight of stairs. The fastest and mostly quietest way of getting down was... sliding down the banister. Myles looked down through the bars and Beckett grinned.

"Me first?" Beckett said with a smirk. Myles smiled weakly.

Two minutes later, Myles looked very queasy and his skin tone was slightly green. Beckett on the other hand was skipping down the last flight of stairs to the security room.

"Beckett, balance me on your shoulders!" Myles hissed.

Beckett nodded and half-squatted and Myles scrambled onto his shoulders. Beckett straightened up, holding Myles's feet. They had done this many times for the kitchen door to get more food and the security room's door couldn't be too hard. Myles pulled one of Mother's hair clips from his dressing gown. Beckett had stolen it yesterday and Myles pondered that it smelled like flowers as he twisted it in the door, his tongue stuck out in concentration.

"Got it!" Myles crowed as the door unlocked. He pushed the door and they both tripped as they both tried to walk at the same time.

"Mylie! You not walkie off my shou'er! It owies..." Beckett chastised, his face squished to the floor.

Myles got up and pulled a face at Beckett. He ran over the chair and climbed onto it.

"Beckett, where's the pass-key?" asked Myles as he logged in as Artemis.

"Here Mylie!" said Beckett, pulling it out of his trousers. Myles looked vaguely nauseous and gingerly inserted it into the slot.

Luckily, it still worked. Unfortunately, it needed a security question answer.

"Beckett, do you know what Butler's name is?" hissed Myles a moment later. All their plans were foiled.

"Butler. You jus sai' it!" said Beckett looking confused.

"No, that's his surname. I need his first name..."

The two of them sat on the floor, looking depressed.

"We have 15 minutes to get into place. Think Beckett! Did they ever mention anything about his first name?" asked Myles.

Beckett was sitting on the cold stone floor. He sucked his thumb as he thought.

"Starts wiv a D..." he said, sulkily. "Won't tell you the res' till you treat me nice!"

Myles looked up to the ceiling, as if asking God for help. "Do you want to get Artemis or not?"

"Yes."

"Then tell me what Butler's name is!"

"Say please."

"What?"

Say...PLEASE!"

"Shhh!" Myles hissed, "Keep it down!"

Beckett just looked at him.

"Fine. _Please _will you tell me what Butler's name is." said Myles.

"Okay!" Beckett brightened up. "Ummm, 'is name's Domo-vay...I fink."

"Can you spell that?" asked Myles.

"D-O-M-O-V-something-something."

Myles looked at Beckett incredulously. "I could have told you that myself. What are the _last_ two letters?"

"I fink it's an O then an I." said Beckett.

"Are you sure?" asked Myles.

"Yeah, as sure pigs fly." said Beckett brightly.

Myles looked horrified. "Pigs don't fly..." he murmured under his breath as he typed in the word. He crossed and fingers to his immense luck, it opened.

Myles sighed in relief and quickly typed in 'Secret passageways' in the search box. There were 50 results. Myles clicked close to Artemis's room. He grinned. Narrowed down to two. A secret vault under the floorboards inside his room...

"No!" said Beckett, "Not in there!" Myles smiled. He was now glad that Beckett was claustrophobic; he didn't want to hunker underneath the floorboards either. Anyway, the insulation would probably block anything said.

He looked at the other result. A secret passageway which was hidden and unlocked by the painting of Sir Malcolm de Fole that led into Artemis's room.

"Perfect..." he muttered, "Beckett, remember this! Two twists clockwise and three twists anticlockwise of the bronze orb. The bronze one!"

Beckett nodded and Myles logged off the computer with the push of two keys. They walked out the room quietly, making sure to shut and lock the door as quietly as possible. They had left the pass-key in the room, hoping that it would look like Butler had left it in there by accident. Of course, Myles knew this was very unlikely, but a boy could hope. They were about to climb up the long flight of stairs when Beckett pointed something out.

"Myles, there's a dinner lift here. We can take this up to Artemis's floor!"

Myles smirked and the two of them squeezed themselves inside it and pressed the button that would send them up.

They made their way up in silence, penetrated every now and then with a whimper from Beckett who was bravely overcoming his claustrophobia so they could trick Artemis. Finally they reached the top floor and sneaked across the landing. Myles reached for the bronze orb.

"How much do I twist it?" asked Myles in a covert whisper.

"Two to the right and three to the left." said Beckett who had semi-photographic memory, something Myles was very jealous of.

Myles did so and the two of them crept into the rather roomy passageway(at least, for four year olds). Myles put a finger to his lips and opened the little spy holes that were Sir Malcolm De Fole's eyes and both put one eye through the holes and watched, with bated breath for something incriminating and sufficiently embarrassing.

(X)

Artemis Fowl the Second made his way out of his room, with crisp clear motions. His suit was pristine as per usual and he was soon to get down to business. He sat down among his many computers and TV screens and turned them all on. As he waited for them all to load, his mind drifted onto the matter of the new Biscatti opera in Italy in a few days and his fingers instinctively started tapping in groups of five. When he realized what he was doing he clenched his fists tightly.

It wasn't easy to get rid of his Atlantis Complex. Every now and then he still had to go visit Dr Argon's clinic and get 'treatment'. It had been very difficult to let go of his snarky remarks and not to quote the strategy that the Doctor was using. After all, he didn't write a book on psychology for nothing. But he was getting better, which was a hope. His mind drifted to his last adventure as he absentmindedly opened all of the main news websites. As Holly had told him, it had been different to all their other adventures. Before, they used to solve the problem and everything went back to normal and the villain was put back in jail. This adventure had ended not so cleanly with the villain giving his life to save everyone else and sending himself to the bottom of the ocean with his aging wife. It left a rather sour taste in his mouth, not to mention the fact he was still obsessive compulsive.

Artemis rubbed his temples, he could feel another headache coming on, he had had several in the last few weeks and he mused it was a side-effect of either the Atlantis Complex or the so called treatment that Argon was attempting to give him. It was even difficult to stop counting his words. He sighed and pulled up the painting that he had made a while after the time travel into the past. It was a picture of Holly laughing with him during the time paradox, laughing at something which Artemis, unusually, was finding difficult to remember. He wasn't sure about his feelings for Holly. All he knew was that he respected her very much and she was probably something more than a friend. As a psychologist he would say something else but Artemis was not going to admit it.

He was jerked out of his musings by a deliberate rap on the window from his bedroom and he quickly put the picture under his table and walked to his window. Outside was the person of his contemplations. He opened the window and invited her in.

Holly pulled off her helmet and grinned at him. She looked different. Her hair was longer than the last time they had met and she was wearing a new silvery suit with wings that slowly slowed down and stopped as she landed on the floor of his room.

"Hello Holly, how are you?" he asked before realizing he had been counting and gave her a weak smile.

"The question is, how are _you_, Artemis?" she said, deliberately.

"I suppose, I'm not okay." He said carefully. She gave him a look and he sighed. "It's... difficult sometimes, but I don't need more help or fretting over it. Mother does enough of it herself. Sometimes I do wish Butler hadn't told her. I like the new suit; did Foaly design a new one, again?" he said swiftly changing the topic, away from any weaknesses.

"Not so fast, Mud Boy. You are not getting away from this topic of discussion yet! I can hear the counting words thing is still around but what other 'symptoms' remain?" she asked, taking a seat on his chair.

Artemis leaned against the wall. "No signs of Orion as of yet; but then again, I haven't been shocked by electricity any time in the past few weeks," he said smoothly and Holly gave him a sharp glare. He shook his head, his mouth curved in a small smile.

"No paranoia as I don't severely mistrust anybody...apart from Mulch, I don't think anyone can fully trust Mulch." He said, watching Holly's face but all she did was shrug, they both agreed that was probably true.

"So it's just vestiges remaining..." Holly said.

"Sure, I'm all cured." said Artemis, impatient to get off the topic.

"Don't take it for granted, it could come back in full strength again...And yes, this is a new suit. Foaly made it last week and of course I got a trial run with it. After, some bribing..." she said with a smile, obviously willing to let the Atlantis Complex lie low.

"Let me guess, Carrots and Beetle juice?" said Artemis. Holly nodded.

"How did you know?" she asked.

"Foaly has too much internet time on his hands. With some simple hacking, you can easily get into his 'e-space' where it clearly lists that he'll do anything for them. You should tell him to be careful, people like Opal Koboi could use that information...just like we used her love of truffles to put her in prison before." said Artemis.

"Aah, the good old times...escaping from trolls, flying solo and blind through magma chambers, disobeying orders, large shootdowns, I miss doing _that_ stuff!" she said, with an almost yearning tone, creeping into her voice. "Nowadays, I'm stuck behind this stupid desk-job and this has been one of the first times since Turnball's death that I've actually managed to get out of Haven, only to recharge. I chose Tara so I get have a good old chat. D'Arvit, I've missed fresh air!"

(X)

Inside the secret chamber, Myles and Beckett exchanged looks. First, the flying girl who was only a bit taller than them had intimidated their unfrightenable brother, then this new revelation that Artemis fought trolls and was in shootdowns! Artemis! Their clumsy older brother who could barely play football! Shooting things and fighting TROLLS! Myles shook his head, what next, his brother could sing?

(X)

Artemis and Holly were exchanging quips about the old days when Holly spotted a canvas under the desk she was sitting by. Holly had known that Artemis was a musical genius but she hadn't imagined he'd owned paintings!

"What's that, Artemis?" she asked, curiousity marring her face.

A very guilty look passed across his face and he kicked it further under the table with a stammered, "N-Nothing."

Holly frowned. If he was getting that worked up over it, it was obviously not 'nothing'. Walking sprite, that sly old Mud boy she used to know was gone because Holly could have sworn he was blushing.

With a dastardly plan in mind, Holly smirked, threw a punch to Artemis's stomach and dived under the table recovering the canvas. It was probably some old painting that he had stolen from a museum somewhere and had 'neglected' to retur– It wasn't.

It wasn't anything like that because it was an exact replica of her.

(X)

Myles's eyes widened and Beckett gasped. Luckily it was masked by Artemis's groaning, which Myles still that was very funny that a girl his size could injure his uptight older brother that much. But the painting was amazing. Artemis was holding back in their lesson sessions. The girl looked pretty shocked too.

"Myles," whispered Beckett, tugging Myles's sleeve, "Will Arty paint me like vat?" he asked but Myles shushed him as the girl, Holly, started to speak again.

(X)

She'd known Artemis couldn't take a punch and she was right as he winced and clutched his stomach.

"Holly!" he snapped angrily. But she wasn't listening because she was gaping at the amazing picture of her.

"Artemis, when did you paint this?" she asked, as she studied the realistic light effects.

He was silent. "When Artemis?" she asked. He looked at her with an unfathomable look.

"A year back." She looked at him with surprise. He looked back, a rather brooding look on his face. "After the Time Paradox. When you were recharging at Tara before. We were laughing about Opal's face when she realized she was carrying Myles's toy Mr. Primate."

(X)

"I was wondering why he smelled of grease and fire!" exclaimed Myles.

(X)

Holly looked sad.

"So since the 'incident' in the Time Paradox."

'Pretty much, Holly. But I guess Orion told you all about that. What a shame he did. I guess he must have thought it was very romantic." Holly gave him a look and Artemis hit the table in frustration.

He really hated this Atlantis Complex. There were times like now when he really wished he'd been normal, but he had to remind himself, that his father wouldn't be back and Mother wouldn't be well if he hadn't captured Holly that summer's day, back when he was 12 years old.

"Is it difficult to get rid of?" asked Holly.

"Are you querying about the Atlantis Complex or the fact that I'm hopelessly smitten with you? Because the answer to both is 'impossible'." he said bitterly. "Anyway," he snorted, "My elf-kissing days are over, right?"

"Wrong." said Holly, with a smirk before reaching up and kissing him.

(X)

Myles smirked, looking very much like his older brother on a good day.

"If that isn't incriminating, I don't know what is!" he whispered to Beckett. With a thumbs up, they replaced the eyes of Malcolm De Fole's eyes and sneaked back into their room.

"So Beckett, what did we learn today?" he asked, once they were perched on their beds, Beckett once again wearing his duck dressing gown.

"Artemis is really stupid with giwls?" he asked.

Myles snorted. "No, but good answer. Anything else?"

"He's appawently vewy good at painting people?"

"Still no."

"He's ill?" asked Beckett.

"That's one of them!" said Myles, a look of relief on his face. "Artemis has something they called 'Atlantis Complex'. From what it sounded like, he's ummm...something like...obcosive seprulsie?" Beckett giggled.

"No, he's obsessive compulsive." Myles fell over backwards and landed on the floor with a thump.

"Shhh!" hissed Beckett.

"How do _you_ know what that is?" Myles asked, a look of disbelief clouding his face, as he pulled himself up from the beige carpet.

"Butler wa' talkin' 'bout it. So was Mummy." said Beckett, looking very serious. Myles nodded, his photographic memory obviously remembered the phrase; that would make a lot more sense.

"The second thing is that he's knows mythical creatures, very well. He called her an elf; they mentioned a dwarf, a centaur and a troll. I still can't believe Arty's fought a troll though... never mind, third thing?"

"Arty's in luuuuurve!" crowed Beckett.

"That's right. And that is our biggest blackmail. And best of all? We've got it all on film!" smirked Myles. He couldn't wait for Artemis to start showing him all the cool stuff in science.

(X)

_Later in the evening that day..._

Artemis sighed as he tapped a few keys on his computer disinterestedly as Foaly ranted to him about the new system that Trouble Kelp was running. There was a loud thump on the staircase as his brothers ran up to his floor.

"I'm going to need to pause this conversation Foaly. Mute your sound or just shut up." Foaly pouted but shut up and Artemis covered the picture of Foaly with Google Chrome windows with world news pasted all over them.

Myles and Beckett burst into the room, with a video camera in hand and devious expressions in their face. Artemis was sure the camera was Juliet's and was very sure that they had stolen it from her.

"We want you to teach us cool stuff in lesson time and replace Mummy's lessons." said Myles immediately. Artemis was amused, at least he knew what he wanted, very plainly.

"And why should I comply with your request?" Artemis asked. This had been one of the 'fun' lessons that he had taught them; how to do deals with the devils of the world. He was sure they some kind of blackmail, probably images of he and Minerva playing chess at her house. Nothing too discriminating. What could they have possibly found?

Beckett was about to say something with Myles slapped him and plugged the camera into one of his many video-players. The camera started with the date. Today's date. Artemis paled as video-him came into the study where they were currently seated and started drumming on the table.

Now he knew he was never going to underestimate his brothers again. How they'd managed to get the video was another matter entirely which Artemis was going to get to the bottom of very soon and destroy the method.

Artemis cringed as the video ended with him and Holly kissing.

"Now, if you don't teach us cool stuff, we'll show this to Mummy and Daddy."

Artemis swore under his breath, this was not good. Four-year olds walking around with very incriminating knowledge.

"D'Arvit." came another voice which he was very sure was not his. Foaly. Oh no. The Fowl family were doomed. Again.

**AN: Finally over! This took me over a month to write which I'm really annoyed about. I'm not sure I've got Artemis's character completely down, especially new, repentant, nice Artemis. *shudder* I preferred manipulative Artemis. At least I could figure out his motives then. Not going to continue, this is a short piece because the last time I checked, there's barely any fics about Myles and Beckett causing trouble. Even though it's specifically mentioned by Butler. The story about the code to Artemis's room was hilarious in the book.**

**Now I've stopped ranting, please, feel free to review. I would like that a lot. Really, I would. I'd appreciate faves too, but reviews are nice. They make me feel warm and fuzzy.**


End file.
